How It Could Have Ended
by Bishie Huntress
Summary: A strange, short, and highly unlikely ending for our favorite heroes! Rated T for a dash of Character Death, a moderate pinch of Characters blatantly Out Of Character, and a single grain of Abbreviated Swearing. If you don't like it, don't eat the cake!


My husband finds fan fictions and their appeal utterly useless and incomprehensible, and so, because I find it amusing, this one's dedicated to him. I love you, babe!

(P.S. Ain't no way, no how I own or make any money offa dem dair Inuyasha an' folks. Too much hard work keepen 'em alls happy-like. *Ahem* This is a disclaimer.)

**How It Could Have Ended  
**(You know, if I was the author. Which I ain't!)

Naraku held up the **Completed** **Jewel of Four Souls!** and cackled evilly, his eyes gleaming madly in the light of the noonday sun.

"Kukukukuku! Now that I have the **Completed Jewel of Four Souls!**, nothing can stand in my way! Make peace with your pathetic life, Inuyasha, for today is the day you and your _friends_ shall die! And there's nothing you can do about it!"

He snickered again. And then again, for good measure.

Inuyasha growled in frustration. He was tired and hot and bloody. His shattered Tetsusaiga lay at his feet, a testament to Naraku's formidable power. But when had that ever stopped him?

"Oh, yeah?" he shouted with (admittedly false) bravado. "We'll see about that, Naraku! You were always full of crap, but today it all comes out. Today, you DIE!" He held up a hand before him, flexing his fingers and angling his claws just right so they gleamed in the brilliant sunlight.

A lonely wind blew through the clearing and Sesshoumaru strolled silently past, his followers - well, _following_ behind, chattering or whining as was their wont.

A strange look came over Inuyasha's face then, and he turned his gaze from Naraku to the hand he'd raised. Carefully, he put it down, then quickly raised it again, making the same flexing motion. He frowned and repeated the movements yet again.

Behind him, Kagome lowered her bow and arrow with a huff. "Inuyasha?" she called. He ignored her, flexing his fingers in rapid succession. "Inuyasha!" she shouted impatiently as he began contracting the fingers of his other hand. "What's wrong?"

Her worried tone tugged at his attention and he looked up, coloring slightly as he noticed all eyes were upon him. Everyone seemed to be frozen in "Battle Pose", save Kagome, like they were simply waiting for him to "unpause" them. (He had the strangest sensation of being in one of Sota's video games.) Even Naraku was staring at him with a bemused and faintly put-out expression on his aristocratic face.

"Look," he said, holding up his hand and demonstrating his fearsome "I'm ready to attack you with my claws!" pose.

Kagome was starting to get annoyed. Here they were, facing down one of the most _elusive_ criminal masterminds to ever cross her path (Hojo didn't count since she couldn't get _rid_ of the guy!), trying _so hard_ to get the **Completed Jewel of Four Souls!**, and he was worried about his Battle Pose?

"We've seen you do it a hundred times, Inuyasha! Today!"

"No, no, no… Look!" And he did it again, this time making a funny _"krk krk krk" _noise with his mouth.

Everyone stared at him as if he'd gone insane, relaxing their stances and gaping at him in open-mouthed astonishment. He could practically _see_ their thoughts…

Kagome: _I always knew there was something wrong with him! Now I'll have to "sit" him to save us all! 3... 2... 1..._

Sango: _I wonder if Kagome will forgive me if I take him and Naraku out in one shot with Hiraikotsu. I could probably make it look like an accident…_

Shippo: _I was right! He's an idiot!_

Miroku: _He could be possessed. I know I have a sutra here somewhere… Oh, look! Is that it on Sango's bottom?_

Kirara: _Dumb dog… Dumb monk…_

Myoga: _I knew that Tetsusaiga breaking was bad, but I didn't know how bad! No one's looking, maybe I can just slip quietly away…_

Naraku: _Kukuku! I see he is as insane as I! I will convert him to my side using all my charm (which is not inconsiderable!) and then assimilate him, and when I have complete control over him, we will rule the world as "father" and "son"! Or as "master" and "puppy"! Or maybe as lovers!…_

Wait! WTF? Inuyasha did a double-take, hair whipping about his face in lustrous silver waves, his eyes glowing molten gold and his tight abs flexing underneath his red, hot fire-rat robe. A drop of sweat traced its way slowly down his chiseled six-pack ominously. Naraku did have a strange gleam in his eye…

"What- No, LOOK!" Inuyasha did his flex pose _yet again, _stating, "I've lost my _krk krk krk!_"

As one, they all sweat dropped.

And then fell over.

And didn't move. Though, if anyone cared to notice, Myoga's body could be seen bouncing aimlessly and unconsciously off through the underbrush like a tiny rubber ball.

"..."

Silence. The dust settled gently over their still forms.

"Guys."

Nothing.

"Guys!"

That lonely wind came back for another cameo.

"Guys! You can cut it out now! The joke's over! Haha! See? It's funny, now get up!"

No one moved.

Cautiously, Inuyasha walked over to Naraku and toed him in the ribs. When the bad guy didn't move, he did it again, harder.

Suddenly, Naraku's body seized and jerked, shriveling up on itself like a real spider.

"Ew, gross." Inuyasha shuddered, cringing away from the crumpled form. Then, seeing a sparkle, he leaned down and picked up the **Completed Jewel of Four Souls!**. "Probably shouldn't leave this laying around."

As he walked over to his friends to see if they were all still breathing, he contemplated the pink orb in his hand.

"All that trouble for this tiny, little thing," he wondered. He sighed noisily. "I wish Naraku was defeated and gone already so this dumb war could be over. Then no one would hafta die, and I wouldn't hafta save their sorry butts, which would leave me more time for ramen, and I could finally decide between Kikyo and… Kagome…" His voice trailed off as his feet slowed to a stop, his eyes staring off into the distance.

For a moment, he focused on Kagome, who was as different as day from Kikyo's gentle night. "I really love them both," he mused aloud. "Maybe… Maybe I could have them both?" A hopeful gleam began to grow in his eyes.

Suddenly, reflexively, Sango sat up, eyes unseeing as she hauled Hiraikotsu off the ground and hurled it at the hapless half-demon with a battle cry of _"Pervert!". _As if in slow motion, it crashed into our unlikely hero, forcing his head back even as his feet flew up to reach an equal - if not greater - elevation. His lips parted in a low, grimacing, slow-mo cry of: "Nnnnnnnooooooooo!"

Faintly, an appropriately lighthearted piece of classical music - that wouldn't be written for centuries yet - could be heard as our favorite dog-boy floated gently backward and Shippo dreamt of cows.

As the world snapped back to a proper speed, everything seemed to happen even faster by comparison. The **Completed Jewel of Four Souls!** flew up into the air and burst into a dazzling flash of pink light, Sango caught Hiraikotsu and fell over again, completely unaware, Kirara caught the grass on fire, Naraku disappeared in a smelly puff of purplish smoke, Inuyasha landed, Shippo stuck a finger up his nose, Kagome drooled, Inuyasha found it adorable in his semi-conscious state, Miroku grabbed an unfortunate someone's bum (we're not telling whose!), and a lonely wind passed through as Sesshoumaru walked by in the opposite direction, his followers - well, _following._


End file.
